Friday, June 29, 2012

Thoughts on Blood Donation



Have had blood donation on my mind for awhile now. Can not do it of course, between being on Finasteride and having my ears pierced it might be a long time. A shame to, I really enjoy it and passed the gallon donation mark last time I gave. Another thing to look forward to after surgery I suppose.

One thing to keep in mind once you go on hormones, you will most likely be deferred from donation. Certain testosterone blockers can be very damaging to a fetus. That said, I encourage everyone who is eligible to safely donate please visit their local blood bank and help save a life today.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Caboki...What...A...Mess! (Hair Loss)


Thought I would give Caboki a shot.  I ordered the $20 9oz size. The videos and pictures looked promising. Have regrown a little light fuzz on my temples so thought this would help enhance the hair there, maybe cover up the bald spot.

NO.

Avoid this stuff. If you want the same effect, go take some charcoal dust out of your grill and smear it into your head. Will work the same, maybe better. When I first opened the bottle, I moved it to my head slowly and tilted. The stuff started falling out. It kept falling out. I tried to gently rub it in, but it was coming out so fast. It was more powdery than fibery.



I tried several ways to apply this. Nothing worked. After trying like they showed in the videos, and failing, I then tried by hand, with a cotton ball, a brush, anything I could think of. Still did not work. It looked more like I had rubbed my head with mascara then anything. The black did not even match that well. Here is an example on my arm



All in all I would avoid this product like the plague. Go get you a three month supply of Minoxidil solution at Walmart for $18.88. Will do much better for slightly cheaper.



Want to see just how bad? Get a free sample! MuwaHaHaHaHa

Apps to Earn on Your Phone

Here are a few good apps to earn a little extra from your phone. Some are only gift certificates but all offer Amazon where you can get just about anything. Please use my bonus code after opening, you will usually get extra points when you do. Included Android and iOS links, or search your app store.


App Trailers

The best and only for straight cash. I usually average a $1 a day watching the trailers. You get more when you download and try an app or complete an offer. Can redeem at 15 cents PayPal, INSTANTLY, everyday if you want. (I usually cashout at $1).  Links below.

Bonus Code: corriecubed

iOS

Android

Payment Proof

Check Points

Fun check in app like Four Square. Sometimes has videos for points. Scan products for points. Great if your stuck in line somewhere. 

Bonus Code: coricubed

iOS
http://www.checkpoints.com/iphone/download/


Android

Free My Apps

A plus on this one you don't have to download anything. Good for giving apps to play. Visit the link from your phone. 


Gigwalk

This one has potential, especially if you live in a large, populated area. You do tasks on your phone, such as scan a product or take some pictures of a business. If you can get accepted for one, I have noticed they tend to pay $3-$20. 

Search for Gigwalk in your appstore.

Shop Kick

Like Checkpoints above, offers more charitable donations as well.

Search for Shop Kick in your appstore.

Viggle

Primary focus on checking into TV shows. If you watch a lot of TV this one is good. Has bonus points with videos and trivia sometimes.

Search for Viggle in your appstore.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Task Based Internet Earning

Hi everyone. These are two of my heavy hitters I am using to help cover the costs of transition. With these sites, you get paid when you complete small tasks. Some writing, some transcribing, data entry, etc.

CloudCrowd has taken a lot of practice, but if you are good at writing between them and Mturk you could do pretty well. If not well, it will take some time to learn the good tasks, but you can easily do at least $5 a day if you can focus. Using Cloud Crowd will help fund my surgery. Thank you for your hard work.



Cloud Crowd


Pays daily via PayPal


Click Here to Go to CloudCrowd




Mturk

Deposits to your Amazon Payments account. Then can be withdrawn to your bank or used for an Amazon Gift Certificate.


To start out with I recommend visiting www.turkernation.com to get a good kickstart and learn the best hits to start out with.


Click Here to Go to Mturk



A Cry for Help


I typed this up in complete frustration last night. Realized it was most my story and posting so the world knows just how hard it is sometimes. It's a long read but bear with me. Fun fact at the bottom and a pic! Eventually hope to expand this blog to help others in my situation.

To someone with an open heart and open mind:

My name is Corrie Kasal. I am a 28 year old male to female transsexual. I am writing today because I am not sure what else to do. I am scared I won’t make it to 30 as the thoughts and emotions are overwhelming me. I had not realized how bad it was until last night when I had to leave work early because of an article of a girl who transitioned at 18 and was going to college and living out her life. Perfectly passable, certainly attractive. Awesome for her, and I hope that one day I can help others get there. In the meantime, for the first time in my life, I must take care of myself.

Seeing this article was so overwhelming. It brought up so much regret and sadness I could not contain it no longer. Here I’ve lost ten years of my life, some of the best, and I’ll probably lose another ten more just because the hand I’ve been dealt. Plus another 10 for all the stress and suffering.

I was at that point she was 10 years ago, up 28 years ago. Up until then I clung to religion, and society but I realized I was only hurting myself clinging on to what others wanted. It is fun how I used always put female online for everything and play as female characters in games, it was one thing that helped deal growing up.

I knew I was different. I hated being a boy and I did some bad things, some gross things when I was young. Even at the age of 12 I was trying to castrate myself with fishing line, even up to 17 where I hung myself by my genitals to a clothesline. I have worn panties as long as I can remember just like the regular everyday clothing the are.  Snuck them and took a few from Walmart until they had self checkout. Washed clothes in the sink. Simple and weird as it may sound the underwear was the achor to my thoughts until I was able to dress openly now.

Life was hard growing up. My dad was non existent and my mom had severe schizophrenia. We were poor and did not have much. I ended up having to take care of my mom since after 1996 she took a turn for the worse. DHS placed me with my granny who was 85 at the time. Though she tried her best, I ended up taking care of her into my later teens.

 As I grew older and learned more about myself and the process I stopped, but I still have the thoughts to this day. Infections, Gangrene, and Flesh eating bacteria are the only thing holding me back, but even then I think what if. Thoughts that I cannot keep at bay much longer. So many times have I considered getting drunk, mangling myself up in the emergency room and the thought that just maybe I will survive and be rid of these wretched parts. Rationally this to me is ridiculous but the thought of another year like this is unbearable.

I started hormones courtesy of Inhouse Pharmacy back in 2006, though I had dabbled in 2003 as well. I was 22 when I started in 2006. I had just gone through some horrible times. Between 2004-2006 my mom died, my granny who took care of me since I was 12 died, our house burned up, my dog Mickey I had since kindergarten died, my fiancé left, I lost a job, and dropped out of school. When my fiancé left in 2006 I practically tried to kill myself. (overdosed on pills trying to get my ex to see me). I lost everything.

During the time with my fiancé I struggled with the emotions and dressing on the side. Soon as the relationship was over I hit the hormones, I knew what I had to do. I had wasted too much time already. Unfortunately I also went through the worst period of drinking and spending after this. I blew my credit, wrecked a car, and created problems lasting to this day that I don’t think it will be until I am well into my 30s to fix. Life just keeps happening and I don’t know what to do. I save up a $1,000 here something happens, save up a $1,000 there but no matter what something happens. Last it was my teeth, and before that I had to move next to work after my car died.

As of now in ten years I have managed to save up a whopping $1900 for surgery. I currently work for Lowe’s. It is stable but pays the bills and that is about it. I do some internet work but that only tends to range from 10 cents a day to around $10. Typically in between on the lower end.

I also struggle with hairloss still. By the time I turned 20 it was almost too late, I was stage IV. I think I am back to II now but it is still very noticeable and hard to hide unless I wear a headband or sunglasses up. Also a lot of any extra money I have is going to special shampoos that supposedly block testosterone and extracts, and the $150 I blew on a laser comb.

Another issue is my credit. I would love to just borrow the money I need and pay it back, but I filed bankruptcy in December 2011. I was fortunate to have my electrolysis finished but the debt I accumulated during 2007-2011 was just too much. My minimum payments were more than my total income. I was working a near minimum wage job and living off my then awesome credit. I knew it was wrong but I was so depressed from all the bad things that happened and being transsexual that I gave up hope that I would see the next day. Part of me stayed strong though, I maintained the job and coped somewhat. I recovered a little by 2009 but it was too little too late for my finances. I got notices of being sued and threats of garnishment I had no choice but to file bankruptcy.

Having bad social anxiety hasn’t helped. It has caused me to stress eat impacting my finances and health. I don’t have the friends and family network most have. My dad’s in worse shape than I am. He has bad back and is unable to find a job. I fear I will have to take care of him. I live by myself and just don’t make the income I need to save.  On the brightside the social anxiety helps steer me away from the adult industry. Though it is tempting for money.

Everyone I know, knows now. I used to work for Hertz, but when I came out there I started getting write-ups and disciplinary action for the most absurd things. I was working Lowe’s part time trying to save . I knew the writing was on the wall at Hertz so I promptly quit, and took this full time position at Lowe’s.  I waited to tell them, I could not let what happened at Hertz happen there. Eventually I could not contain it though, and changes to my body were very obvious. I came out to my hr manager, who has been extremely supportive. Most the rest of the store doesn’t seem to care. The only real complaint I had was from one of the girls about my ear piercing.

That said, my day to day work life is miserable. Especially in summer. I see so many women in cute dresses and skirts and I drown myself in jealously and sorrow. Jealous they are so lucky they wear things like that without fear of their own parts, and sorrow that I may never get to fully enjoy those freedoms. I have not been able to go swimming since I was 15. Tucking is horrible and only reminds me of what is down there.

 I am noticing an attraction to certain men (British haha) sometimes but feel like a grotesque freak because I know I could get beat up or worse if they saw what I had in my pants if we were intimate. I think if I was still 18 I could bear longer, but the 20s are so necessary for growing and learning about love and sex and I am missing and have missed so much already. Of course I would tell someone  first in a safe location, but accidents and spur of the moments can happen too. Mostly still am attracted to women though, though I find the thought of vaginal intercourse both appealing and correct.

I can’t sleep most nights, in fact right now I am typing this because I can’t sleep. The thoughts are overwhelming me. Thoughts I’ve dealt with for thousands of days, each day building on the next to the point I do not see making it past the next. My hopes and dreams are crushed.

That dream. Since I was little. To overcome being different and embrace it. Show the world how strong I have become.  To finish college maybe even in genetics. To find someone to love me for who I am. Adopt a child in need. Be a big sister to someone. Help others in my situation. Become the lady I was always meant to be.

Fortunately, with a note from Dr. Dawn Singleton (my counselor), I have been able to get hormones through my work health insurance. I see an endocrinologist (Wynter Kipgen) as well for checkups. This helped a little. I am sure they would have no problem with an official letter for surgery. Unfortunately I do not see Dr. Singleton often since that takes out of my surgery money. My name change is complete. 

As you have seen, I am in an awful situation. What I was wondering is do you offer any type of aid for someone in my situation? I am so desperate. I am willing to provide any documentation of my situation. If there is some way I can work it off like filing or phones, or deskwork, anything I would be willing to help. For the surgeons I even offered for them to use me to practice a new technique. If it was as simple as moving in with mommy and daddy or living with a friend I would, but my friends and family network is non existent compared to most.

I am aware of the Thailand option but even that is far away (in more ways than one).  

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Corrie Kasal

Anonymous and confidential Donations accepted.










*Fun Fact* My original birth certificate says female.